Flare Request Friday: A Patch For My Eye-Holes

"We're going to get really sick. You need to start taking vitamins."

This was what a war-weary Summer said to me yesterday. We have been in Sioux City for a few weeks, and we are really excited about the journey we are on, and about the road ahead, aware there will be bumps, twists, turns, even a sinkhole or two.  

We prepared ourselves mentally for what this life would be like, for the time, energy, resources, and patience it would take to be able to partner with God in planting Hopesprings in Sioux City.  We prayed, planned, prepared, faced our dreams and nightmares, and pushed all our chips in.

But we're in it now.  

In it means a schedule that looks downright crazy.  In it means me seeing our kids a fraction of the time I used to and Summer seeing them too much. In it means go. In it means you have no idea what the future looks like, and little idea about the next right step sometimes. In it means you are through the foothills you thought were mountains, and you are staring up at the himalayas.

I can be a little dramatic sometimes. 

There were two moments yesterday that really indicated I am starting to break down a bit. I was running an errand for Summer after The Day Job (which is another story altogether) which required me to stand in line at customer service in Target. (#fun) I started thinking about her and the kids and tears came rushing to my eye-holes. The lady at the counter must have thought the rug I was asking about was pretty riveting, or that maybe she should call the police.

The second came when a baby smiled at me. Not our baby. Someone else's baby. A baby I barely know.  I thought for a second about all her parents would go through to raise her, about how lovely she was and how fast she would grow...again with the waterworks.

This is what happens when I get tired...my heart, which is already permanently affixed to my sleeve, starts gushing tears. My emotions, already barely under-control by the power of a severe grace, bubble over.

This flare request is for Summer and I, and for everyone heavily involved in planting Hopesprings in Sioux City. We need to keep moving, but we also need opportunities to rest and recharge and take breath. They will be brief, but may those moments be powerful and restorative. You could also pray I break in a good way not a bad one. 

We are not alone, and in the middle of the weariness, I am more aware of where the strength comes from. He is with us, beside us, behind us...He knows and feels and walks with us. Any strength I have comes from Jesus.  I know I can love because He loves me. I know I can take my next step because He's been where I've been.  I don't have to be afraid...even to weep, because he knows my every struggle and He wept.

So have a good cry, take your vitamins, and take the next step.

Thanks for reading and for the prayers.