Thanksmonday.

Ok, so I have been away from the blog for a while.  Call it a mental health vacation.  May need more in the near future, but for now I'm back after The Great Pause known as Thanksgiving. I am feeling thankful this year, and I think it is ok to feel thankful after Thanksgiving…right? Santa and the Black Friday Smoke Monster will allow that?  I hope?

I digress.  Often and wildly.  Sometimes the most powerful times of thankfulness come when it is really difficult to be thankful. Like when you have lost someone. Or your life is crazier than a barrel of monkeys inside yet a bigger barrel of monkeys. Or when you're not sure how to take your next steps. (Or when all three are true!) But I am thankful. And that is powerful. Gratitude orients us in the universe. When I am thankful I can remember which way is up, and I can find out who I am, and who I want to be. 

1. I am thankful for Summer. Thinking of my life without her is a truly scary thing, and she is my favorite person. Her existence is proof of God's grace to me.

2. I am thankful for our children. They are wonderful, beautiful kids...and growing too quickly...and I want to jab a stick in the spokes of time so I can just soak up the moments with them. (Take that, time!)

3. I am thankful for God's love, and the love He has given to others to show my family as we have gone through the loss of my mom. I am thankful her suffering is over, and that her life told the gospel story. 

4. I am thankful for the small group of people who took a chance on us six years ago when we packed up our lives and moved to Pennsylvania. They were instrumental in some monumental changes in our lives, and they are great friends, and now cheerleaders as we move down the Hopesprings road in Siouxland. Their faith is inspiring.

5. I am thankful for the small group of people in Sioux City that have begun the journey here with us, and for all of the amazing times we've had in the last couple months loving God and people, and serving this city.  Their faith is inspiring. 

6. I am thankful to be breathing in air heavy with the love of God.

Thanks is like medicine. It silences greedy, black voices filled with what-ifs and regret. It gives us the ability to take the next step, realizing that everything around us is a gift and we are here, today, and we might as well get on and do something with the time we are given. Gifts demand a giver, and when we give thanks, we are pulled by the gravity of the love of God into an orbit of praise and worship. When we look at what we've been given, it's evident Someone is up to something.

Someone is up to something in your life. And mine.

Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in every circumstance. This is God's desire for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5.16-18

Tunes Tuesday: 1 Love

So Good.

God the Show-Off

...your heavenly Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

And the award for Most Obvious Theological Principle goes to…Jesus?

Of course God knows what we need.  He knows everything, right? Created the universe (stuff from nothing?!?!), knows the hairs on our head (weird) and holds our cells together…of course He knows what I need. Of course.

So then why the freakout?

Why the panic?

Why the anxiety?

Why the rush?

One of the major things we have been praying about for Hopesprings in Sioux City is our meeting space Sunday mornings. We have been meeting in the offices of STEMM (check them out here!), which is great, but we are feeling some growing pains and a bigger spot would be a huge help.  

Well, last week a spot opened up and we are meeting there for the first time Sunday! Also the price is right (and by right I mean…well, if you know me you know exactly what I mean). 

One of the things I love about the STEMM office is that the location is perfect. Well guess where we are moving? Same block, TWO DOORS DOWN. Also there just happens to be a parking lot available in this new location. Downtown. Our Heavenly Father is a show-off. 

When we were praying about a new space I didn't know exactly what we needed.  Not sure about space, about growing, about parking, about location. I had some ideas but could not really have asked for a more ideal spot for the next leg of our journey together. 

He knows what we need before we ask Him. So let's ask big and chill out. 

Flare for the Fatherless

Yesterday I met a 4th grader who had the words "a ray of sunshine" spliced into her name. This person exists.  Heaven is real.

A couple people from our community group hung out with some elementary school kids yesterday, and it was equal parts hectic, fun, and emotional. The community center is located in the heart of neighborhoods that are pretty rough, and the kids who are coming have some pretty tough stories they carry with them. 

I would describe the kids I met yesterday as hungry. In every way. They clamored for attention, for time, for structure, for words, and for food.  One of the most moving parts of our time there was during the meal the community center provides for the children...children who have a need for better nutrition. After a wild, loud, crazy time, the kids got their food and were immediately silent and feasting. They fought over seconds and thirds. They took whatever was left-over home. 

After I the time was over some of the staff mentioned that whenever a male figure is there, the kids act differently. Most of the kids do not have their dad in their lives, and their need for a father is obvious and overwhelming. 

I left the community center pretty emotionally devastated.  I left there wanting to come back. Wanting to get to know these kids and their stories better. Wanting to help.

If you want to press my tear-button, ask me to think of kids who don't have parents. Or have one parent they don't know or spend every day with. There are many fatherless (and motherless) folks around us, and God beckons us. If we are going to do anything meaningful, one of those things must be to share the great love of God with the fatherless around us. To give those who are hungry for time the time we have. To give those who are hungry for food the food we have. To give those who are hungry for love a little of the unconditional love we have from Our Good Dad in heaven.

This flare request is for the fatherless. The motherless. Anyone who doesn't know unconditional, weighty, love-with-teeth-and-tears-and-truth. Pray we would have the courage to see, to sit with, to give to, to get to know, to love, to equip, to befriend and extend hope and help to the fatherless in our community. 

Turn Gloom to Noon

¹⁰ And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.

These words haunt me. In a good way. (like Casper) In this Scripture the cure for gloom isn't more stuff, more noise, more church gatherings. It is serving people who are hurting. The cure is getting up and giving some love away.  

I love to try all kinds of other things to cure my gloom.  Almost anything will do in a pinch, to shove down the sad. To quiet the disquiet. But when I engage with the Scriptures, and with Jesus, I find I am challenged to turn the focus outward and love someone else. 

I do not understand this. I struggle to live this. Often I don't even struggle...I just wallow in the not-living-this. 

But I do find hope in Isaiah 58 with the challenge to love and serve. To share my things, my time, to give something to someone afflicted with anything. 

¹¹ “And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
¹² “Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell.

Some Scriptures are like a meal. The richness of the poetry is dwarfed by the enormity of the kingdom of heaven pressing down on all the small things, snuffing out any vanity or futility of a life spent chasing anything else but a part in that kingdom.

Hopesprings in Sioux City has this way of life at the center of who we are, of who we are becoming. Today it looks like sharing some time with some kids at an after-school program that is centered in a low-income neighborhood. We hope it may grow into a partnership...into a place where relationships are built and maybe even some streets get restored.

May we give ourselves to anyone hungry around us, realizing we get a meal for our deepest hunger in the process.

Tunes Tuesday: Say It To Me

This is how you fall in love with a movie in the first two-and-a-half-minutes:

Feels Like 13

My "day job" often requires me to work outside. In the winter I will be inside most of the time, but we have been in that middle place between fall and winter, and there is still quite a bit I have to do outside. I have been doing pretty well with preparing as far as clothing is concerned.  Multiple layers, several pairs of gloves, two pairs of socks…most of the time I have been just right or too warm. 

Today was my wake-up call.  

We worked outside today, doing manly things, and it was snowing.  With the wind chill, my phone said the air felt like it was 13 degrees.  It felt like it was well-below zero, and my carefully planned layers amounted to nothing in the face of that wind.  

Temperature is relative (tell that to the North wind), and if you just gear up for it and ignore the weather, most of the time you can get through with little whining. But there comes a point (I believe it is when the temperature feels like 13) when the wind wins and you are reduced to a chattering popsicle.  

I need more layers.
I need better preparation.
Being tough is not enough.

When we made the decision to move to Siouxland, to love this city and its people, we knew it would be hard. I made up mock schedules and planned and prepped my mind and heart for the transition, and I knew it would be difficult.  But the last couple weeks have served as a wake-up call on just what is before us and just how little our tough is.  

We need more layers.
Our tough is not enough.

The last couple weeks I have had several days of cowering, of feeling unwound and overwhelmed and completely out of balance.  My hands, head, and heart have foot completely empty at times.

But today the Scripture reminds me: ...my God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

According to my gifts, talents, abilities?
According to my effort?
According to my preparation?
According to my creativity?
My resources?

According to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. In Jesus is the preparation, ability, patience, consistency, strength, and resources.  In Christ Jesus.  

May I have a better handle on who handles things. May I sort out what everything is according to.
Also may I get some long underwear ASAP. 
Amen. 

Flare Request Friday

It is pretty easy to make excuses. To justify. To hide. It is literally a practice as old as Adam. God shows up...where are you Adam? Where are you really?

Naked and afraid.

Why? How could you know you were naked? Where did this self-obsession come from?

The woman...whom YOU gave to be with me...she did it.

Insert the rest of human history.

There is a lot you can pray about regarding Hopesprings.  You can pray for our involvement in our community, that we would build strong relationships and discover opportunities to love and serve people well. You can pray for our financial situation.  You can pray for a bigger meeting space for us Sunday mornings. You can pray for the people we have simply invited, for the people we have loved and served, for the many we have yet to meet. You can pray for our leaders, our logistics, and for anything else.

But as I sit down at 5:15 in the morning to write this, I want all your prayers for myself.  Horrible, I know...I just feel incredibly weak, tired, ineffective, and out-of-balance. I am struggling to put things into their healthy perspective and I think the crazy of the last couple months is getting to me a bit. I need to sit with God. I need help loving my family in the midst of this transition. I have been hiding behind excuses of busy and tired and justifying a pretty poor attitude at times the last couple weeks. In short, I need to remember something I have written on my arm: you are dead...and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 

Life is not found in me convincing myself or anyone else my excuses are good. That my reasons for being stressed or tired justify a poor connection with my family. It is not found in work or success or money or preaching or anything else. My life is hidden with Christ in God. In Jesus I have found a life that swallows up all my excuses...an unconditional love that is poured out regardless of the circumstances...a reason to be who I was created to be that swallows up all the reasons I have to be anything else. 

Thanks for the flares.  I can't tell you how much they mean to us, or how important they are for this journey we are on.  

TBT: Kitchen, Sewers, and the Armpit of Jesus

In our kitchen, to the right of the sink, directly in front of the cupboard, is heaven. When I am there, for a moment, for an instant, everything melts away into a peace I can hardly wrap my mind around. It isn't the rack of baby bottles drying on the counter, nor the plans I have for consuming a snack. It is not the gorgeous 70s orange countertop, or the hum of the refrigerator. It is the smell.

I don't know the makeup of the smell. I think it is a subtle mixture of soap, food, and cleanliness...but it may be just plain magic.

Some memories we have seem to be carried in our very DNA. Hard-wired. And some of the most powerful are related to our sense of smell. I am sure many can relate, but growing up there are a few smells that I can immediately recall, and, if smelled, transport me instantly to the time and place I experienced them. The entryway of my elementary school. A skinned knee. And my grandmother's kitchen.

That kitchen...I have no idea how she did it, but that smell traveled across the country and across my childhood. It was a smell that meant a haven for me...great food, kindness, and a sense of profound peace.

Sioux City is famous for an entirely different kind of smell. Some refer to it affectionately as Sewer City, though the city is working to address the sometimes foul oder that greets visitors to Siouxland. I have heard many hurting folks who didn't like they community refer to the smell in a way that made a statement about the community itself.

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things? 2 Corinthians 2.15-16

That is admittedly a strange passage and a hard one to fully grasp, but apparently our words and lives have a smell, a feel, a rhythm, a vibe to them. Our lives can smell like Jesus. As God wafts out the stench of greed, self-righteousness, fear, and guilt, our lives take on a different aroma. His love, His life, His grace and truth in harmony...they can emanate from us like smells from my grandmother's kitchen or a city in need of good news.  

And who is adequate? Great question, Paul...always asking the hard ones. Too many times my life has stunk of death like the inside of a middle-school armpit.

I would settle for smelling like Jesus'. [Note: In order for Jesus to be fully-man, His armpits had to stink to high heaven. That's theology, yo!]

Who is adequate?!?! Only Jesus in us. Only by our connection with His life, death, and resurrection can our lives be salt, light, and an air freshener to the places we live. To the relationships we have. To the city God sends us to.  

What does your city smell like? What does heaven smell like for you?

Tunes Tuesday: Torches Together

It was just a matter of time:

What to love about this song:
...EVERY. SINGLE. THING.
...STRUM THE GUITAR!
...Please just love mewithoutyou. Your life will be better for it.

The Lyrics:
Why burn poor and lonely?
Under a bowl
Or under a lamp shade
Or on the shelf beside the bed
Where at night you lay turning
Like a door on its hinges
First on your left side
Then on your right side
Then on your left side again

Why burn poor and lonely?
Tell all the stones
We're gonna make a building
They'll be cut into shape
And set into place
Or if you'd rather be a window
I'll gladly be the frame
Reflecting any kind words
We'll let in all the blame
And ruin our reputation all the same
So never mind our plan making
We'll start living
Anyway 
Aren't you unbearably sad?
Then why burn so poor and lonely?

We'll be like torches
We'll be like torches
We'll be like torches
We’ll be torches together
Torches together

We'll be like torches
We'll be like torches
With whatever respect
Our tattered dignity demands
Torches together
Hand in hand

Why pluck one string?
What good is just one note?
Oh one string sounds fine I guess
But we were once one note
We weren’t lonely wheat
Quietly ground into grain
One light and momentary pain
So why the safe distance?
This curious look
Why tear out single pages,
When you can throw away the book?
Why pluck one string when you can
Strum the guitar?
Strum the guitar
Strum the guitar
Strum the guitar
With no beginning
With no end
Take down the guitar
And strum the guitar
Strum the guitar if you’re afraid
And I’m afraid
And everyone’s afraid
And everyone knows it
But we don’t have to be afraid
Anymore

You played the flute
But no one was dancing
You sang a sad song
But none of us cried

You played the flute
But no one was dancing
And you sang a sad song
You sang such a sad song

The Bad Part of the Good News

I wonder what I would have done.

I think I may have done different. May have been able to avoid the same mistake, the same weakness. 

I could have made it. I could maybe just maybe have been the one to not choose what He chose. 

Or if not me then someone else...anyone else.

I replay the scenario a thousand times with a thousand heroes...couldn't one of them have been better than the first one?

But then I look at my choices. At my tendencies. At my weakness. 

And I realize his choice is the same one I've been making in too many ways for all of my years.

The choice to do nothing, when I should do something.
The choice to listen to the wrong voices.
The choice to put something else at the center of who I am.
The choice to forget the best in favor of the fleeting present pleasure.

...just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned...

All. Every last one of us. Brokeness in billions of different directions, all pointing the same direction: death. It is a heavy thing to consider the ramifications of the bad news. The news that we are broken. The news that me and all my friends have made a mess and need help. 

But there is help. And everyone I meet needs it. (Including the one I meet in the mirror.)

...if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One...

One sunk the ship. One can right it. 

Fertilizer Flare Request Friday

The parable of the sower has been on my heart and mind for the last few weeks. On repeat, like a record you can't put down or a dream stuck in your head.  In the parable, seed is sown indiscriminately and yields different harvests depending on the kind of soil that receives the seed. 

I have been thinking about all the harvest around us.
I have been thinking about all the prayers I've prayed for people in Sioux City over the past few years.
I have been thinking about the dozens of people that have been invited by people connected with Hopesprings in Sioux City.  
I have been thinking about the dozens of people we have simply and tangibly shown the love of God to in the last few weeks. The people who's leaves we raked.  The hundreds of people we briefly interacted with during trick-or-treating last night.  Our friends, neighbors, and the people who we will interact with in the coming months. 
About the opportunities, and the challenges we are facing in every area of our lives.

I want to ask you to pray that the seeds we've sown with words and deeds will grow.  This has been and will continue to be a common request over the coming months. Central to this journey of faith is asking, seeking, and knocking, trusting God at the center of this story and His power to do the things we cannot do. 

(Which is a lot of things.) 

He authors.
He finishes.
He sows in and through us.
He makes the soil.
He makes the seed.
He brings the weather.

We are in control of little-to-nothing. But we need to do everything we can.  It is a beautiful paradox, and we are living in the middle of it. We need the strength to do the things God has put right in front of us while not succumbing to the delusion that we can make things happen in the hearts and minds of people.

Throw up flares!

TBT: Redeeming Country Music

Note: This is a throwback post from July.

A text message I received yesterday:
"Who knew a garbage can and beat-boxing could be beautiful?"

Exactly. 

In the month of July our music team leader for Hopesprings is basically working non-stop and can't be with us, which is a bummer, but has also led to some pretty interesting moments. He sings and plays drums...and is a pretty key piece of the puzzle musically.  

Now I am not a drummer. I hit things sort-of-in-rhythm-sometimes-enough-to-maybe-not-have-songs-become-a-train-wreck. I have been known to imitate drum-like noises with my mouth, but a quick You Tube search will reveal I have no business calling myself a beat-boxer. But during the month of July, we experiment musically, and I get to pretend I handle the percussion.  

One of the weeks in July we went almost totally unplugged. No one was at the front, and we had guitars throughout our space and basically had a big singalong. I had been dreaming of this for years.

Another week, we did the set country. I mean banjo, washboard, kick drum, trash can country. I had dreamt of this only in my nightmares. (Note: if you are going country, go the whole way.) 

Yesterday, the percussion we used was a mix of beat-boxing, floor tom and trash can, kick drum and a couple cymbals. We also had a baby dedication yesterday and a lot of people visiting with that family. It was truly surreal.  

I am only brave when I am living out of a faith in God. Naturally I am a coward, and this was no different. I resisted trying this out for a long time because I was afraid. Would people get it? Would people be offended? Would people not engage?  

I also have wanted to try this for a long time. I believe that if a song is terrible lyrically, or terrible musically, it is terrible. (This does not apply to guilty pleasure jams...also it is terribly subjective, but that is another topic.) Aside from that, all genres, styles, and instruments are in play, fair game.  

If you told me 7 years ago that someday I would be a pastor preaching a message based loosely on Wonder Woman after beat-boxing and playing a trash can drum set, I would have hugged you for joy. And hoped you were not crazy...but definitely would have thought you were crazy.  

The Kingdom of God is a creative, wild, unexpected thing. It stretches us in ways we are not comfortable with or ready for. It compels us on a journey we could not have foreseen or expected. It is like a seed, a field, a story, a party. It transcends genre and style and skin color and account balances and our fears. It is powerful. And it is moving. In us. The family of God called to be a light in dark places and seasoning to lives and a world that tastes bitter.  

God is taking unexpected, broken, and ugly things and making them new. Even trash cans. He makes them beautiful, meaningful, capable of extending the message of grace and peace to a people weary and desperate for good news.  

Have you ever had a surreal experience of the Kingdom of God? What did that experience teach you?

Hollow to Hallow

Halloween is an opportunity.  An opportunity for the religious to condemn and judge the outside world.  It is feared, shunned, and marginalized by folks afraid of it having a horrible impact on an unsuspecting world. I know this because I heard this. Most of my childhood. I may have even propagated the message among confused peers a time or two. 

It can be a day of fear.  A day of isolation. A day of hiding.

Halloween can also be a day for community.  What other day is your neighborhood going to show up at your door and invite you to make their lives taste better?  What other day will families welcome strangers into their house, and build a connection with people they barely know otherwise? What other day will you be able to look ridiculous and get candy for it?

Hopesprings in Bangor uses Halloween as an opportunity to engage and serve our neighbors.  Folks came to the gathering on Sunday morning in costume, and afterwards our people gave candy and hot chocolate to the families out for trick-or-treating. It was awesome and a great display of what serving simply can look like. 

So Hopesprings in Sioux City is taking a page from Hopesprings in Bangor tomorrow.  Our community group is going to open up the Amman house for our neighbors. We will give away good candy, food, and coffee for parents. We will meet some neighbors we may never have had another opportunity to meet.  We will build connections, and look for opportunities to love and serve the neighborhood.   

I don't care about the backstory or dark dimensions of Halloween.  I do know hundreds of kids will be in our neighborhood, with their parents, and asking to be a part of our lives for a couple minutes.  Some will be dressed in scary costumes, some will have darker motives, and I have no idea if our hospitality will be taken as a bit of God's love or not. I do know we will be loving people in a tangible way, and that love is never wasted. 

How can we be good neighbors on Halloween?

Tunes Tuesday: King Without a Crown

The tune for today is one of my favorite jams. I love Matisyahu, and if you don't I will fight you. I won't really fight you, but I will definitely try to convince you to love this song.  It is beautiful.  Not going to pick a couple favorite lines, because they are all my favorite lines. Also this is surprising if you know me, but the guitar solo in this song is my favorite guitar solo of all time. Not because it is super complicated or intricate, and not because it is something I would normally like, but because it is the perfect solo in the perfect place played perfectly in a perfect song.  Have I raised expectations too high? Great...here's the jam: (also the video is cool)

Dusty Prayers

There are many reasons and ways to pray. You can pray about illness, an exam, a relationship gone off the rails, or confess your deepest darkest to God. You can write, speak, meditate, pray with people, pray alone, just listen, yell, scream, cry, etc. 

In the Scriptures we find all of these expressions of prayer, and they are beautiful.  

For religious folks prayer can be dangerous. (That is a funny sentence) Prayer can easily be reduced to a way to keep score in your life. How long did I pray? The longer I pray the closer I am to God. Did God say yes to all my prayers? If He says yes that must mean He loves me and I am being a good boy. You can judge the words and ways other people pray. You can set up a bunch of rules for how when, why, and what people pray about. 

See what I mean? (Religion can ruin just about anything.)

In its negative and broken and destructive contexts, religion is about control, and prayer inside religion is a way of controlling/judging others. It is a way of trying to control God. Fortunately God is great at escaping from the ways religious folks try to control Him. (see the resurrection)

I have used prayer to keep score in my life. It sucks. I am always losing the games I try to play with God.  Jesus shocks me out of this, and frees me from my sad attempts to control God...

"Do you think you will be heard for your many words and repetition? Quit. Babbling."

"You think you can surprise/convince God of what you need?"

"Do you think you can have bitterness in your heart while giving me a shopping list? Get honest and talk about what is really going on."

(Matthew 6, Amman Paraphrase Version)

Lately I have seen a couple one-sentence prayers prayed a handful of times over the last several years get answered in some pretty significant ways.  It has been surprising and exciting and has me thinking about all the games I've played with God in prayer, and at how simply and honestly we are meant to pray.

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. -Philippians 4.6

Keep praying. -I Thess 5.17

Call out! I will answer. -Jeremiah 33.3

It seems once again the Scripture is alive and beautiful and true. Prayer matters, God is listening, and the answers are forthcoming. It doesn't matter what words you use or how frequently you pray for the same thing (like there is a number you will reach where God will have to give you what you want). 

Honest, simple, desperate prayer brings us a bit closer to God. It fuels our hope and faith. It gives us more trust, more confidence in our relationships with God and people. Wild stuff happens. Why am I surprised?

Flare Request Friday: A Patch For My Eye-Holes

"We're going to get really sick. You need to start taking vitamins."

This was what a war-weary Summer said to me yesterday. We have been in Sioux City for a few weeks, and we are really excited about the journey we are on, and about the road ahead, aware there will be bumps, twists, turns, even a sinkhole or two.  

We prepared ourselves mentally for what this life would be like, for the time, energy, resources, and patience it would take to be able to partner with God in planting Hopesprings in Sioux City.  We prayed, planned, prepared, faced our dreams and nightmares, and pushed all our chips in.

But we're in it now.  

In it means a schedule that looks downright crazy.  In it means me seeing our kids a fraction of the time I used to and Summer seeing them too much. In it means go. In it means you have no idea what the future looks like, and little idea about the next right step sometimes. In it means you are through the foothills you thought were mountains, and you are staring up at the himalayas.

I can be a little dramatic sometimes. 

There were two moments yesterday that really indicated I am starting to break down a bit. I was running an errand for Summer after The Day Job (which is another story altogether) which required me to stand in line at customer service in Target. (#fun) I started thinking about her and the kids and tears came rushing to my eye-holes. The lady at the counter must have thought the rug I was asking about was pretty riveting, or that maybe she should call the police.

The second came when a baby smiled at me. Not our baby. Someone else's baby. A baby I barely know.  I thought for a second about all her parents would go through to raise her, about how lovely she was and how fast she would grow...again with the waterworks.

This is what happens when I get tired...my heart, which is already permanently affixed to my sleeve, starts gushing tears. My emotions, already barely under-control by the power of a severe grace, bubble over.

This flare request is for Summer and I, and for everyone heavily involved in planting Hopesprings in Sioux City. We need to keep moving, but we also need opportunities to rest and recharge and take breath. They will be brief, but may those moments be powerful and restorative. You could also pray I break in a good way not a bad one. 

We are not alone, and in the middle of the weariness, I am more aware of where the strength comes from. He is with us, beside us, behind us...He knows and feels and walks with us. Any strength I have comes from Jesus.  I know I can love because He loves me. I know I can take my next step because He's been where I've been.  I don't have to be afraid...even to weep, because he knows my every struggle and He wept.

So have a good cry, take your vitamins, and take the next step.

Thanks for reading and for the prayers. 

TBT: All Things Green

This is a throwback post...hope you enjoy...

I am no gardener. My thumbs are any color but green...they are barely opposable. Yet I am fascinated by plants, farming, and the tenacity of all things green.  

I said tenacity. When you look out at the world, even the small part of it around you, there is a temptation to think that the green things you see are merely passive receivers of the water, sunlight, and processes that help them advance, grow, and take over the world. 

But have you seen a grapevine recently? Have you watched trees envelope rocks, shaping them even as they are shaped by them? Have you weeded some patch of patio or garden before a week of rain, only to marvel at the same patch covered with the same weeds, just days later?

We have an opportunistic grapevine in our backyard that I think is literally trying to take over the world. I "trimmed it" this spring, wondering if it would survive the treatment. (Trimmed is not really the word for it...hacking into submission or death is probably more accurate.)  It is a monster, and probably measures at least 30 feet end-to-end...and still it grows. It has partnered with some other unidentified vine to make its escape out of our yard, up the neighbors staircase, and out into the great wide world.  

This vine has big plans.  

I wonder how it does this. The mysteries of the grape vine are beyond me. But I can watch it move. It casts out tendrils, looking for a hold, something to latch onto, some crack or crevice or bit of anything to set another base for advancement. In all directions, with all sorts of squiggly creativity, and maybe even a bit of hope.

"The Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed."

"I am the vine, you are the branches..."

This green calls to mind the different kind of green it will take to plant Hopesprings in Sioux City, and the desperate, hopeful, tenacious advancement of the Kingdom of God. We have been inviting you to follow what we are thinking and praying about creating in Sioux City. Inviting you to pray with us, dream with us, and partner with us.  

This journey will mimic the journey of the grapevine across our yard. We will cast vision, seed, dreams for the Kingdom of God like tendrils in search of footholds in the hearts and minds of people desperate to be a part of God will do in this community of faith.  

We are praying for people to partner with us to help fund the initial stages of Hopesprings in Sioux City. We would ask you to think, pray, and consider giving generously. 

To get involved by partnering with us financially toward the advancement of this branch of the Kingdom of God in Sioux City, click here.

For a breakdown of our guidelines for creating the budget, click here.

You can check out the budget here.

The Place Between the Crazies

It's funny to be surprised when your faith turns out to be well-placed.

Have you ever had this happen? You pray, trust, believe, hope, throw your life out there on the line and then BOOM! God does something incredible and you find yourself surprised? Almost like your faith is really small and God's grace really is just that overwhelming?

This happened to me yesterday.  One of the things this journey of Hopesprings into Sioux City was predicated upon was a deeply held faith that Hopesprings in Bangor would be able to survive thrive in the transition and that Hopesprings in both places would be able to move forward in a healthy direction. A faith that God had something bigger in mind for everyone. A faith that we were stronger than we felt, more ready than we felt, more able than we felt.

Yesterday we got the happy news that the guy checking out the lead pastor position in Bangor this past weekend said yes to the wild ride that is Hopesprings. If the people of Hoepsprings in Bangor accept him, it looks like we have a new lead pastor in Bangor! (All of the feedback I have been hearing is extremely positive.) 

Now the joy in this post is a hair premature given not everything is set in stone yet, but I am willing to see my little faith grow a bit given what is happening and how things are moving. This is huge. 

While we had faith going into the transition, there was (is?) a ton of fear crouching at our heart and mind-doors. It was like jumping off of a cliff into some water...we have faith we are going to be fine (or we wouldn't jump), but we are screaming the whole way down.

I believe this is a growing, healthy faith.  Gone is the swagger of certainty, and we carry with us very real fears. There is no brazen spit thrown in the face of the fear...because we are really scared. But faith is jumping, sometimes screaming, into the unknown. 

If we weren't afraid, we would be crazy.
If we didn't have the faith to jump, that would also make us crazy. 
So we do the least crazy thing and trust God.

It is a pretty wild place to live, this Place Between The Crazies.  It can make you crazy sometimes. But hey, it turns out, once again, our faith is well-placed.  We don't place it in a leader, in a happy ending, in money or stuff or "sucess" or ourselves or anything else but the Kingdom of God taking its next step in our lives and the world around us.  We place our faith in Jesus, in His life invading all mess and turning it upside-down. In the one who began and makes our wobbly faith more complete by the hour.

Tunes Tuesday: Secret Crowds

Couple things:
...I love Angels and Airwaves more than any hater hates them. #poppunk4lyfe
...This video is wierd. 
..."Spread love like violence", "watch your words spread hope like fire", and "secret crowds rise up and gather" are three of my favorite lyrics of all time forever and ever. 

Seeds, Sown

This weekend Hopesprings in Sioux City spent some time in our community loving and serving people in a really simple way. We raked leaves. It is a small thing, but a tangible extension of the love we've been given by God. It was also a cool way to meet some of our neighbors in the city.  

I have mentioned Sioux City being diverse before, but living here I am beginning to see it more clearly. We raked 10 homes, and at five of those homes we met folks who were a different ethnicity than I am (3 Hispanic families, 1 Native American family, 1 Asian family). There were two elderly families. There was a distinct language barrier at two of the homes. These homes were all within a couple blocks of each other.

Yesterday I spoke about the parable of the Sower at Hopesprings. It is a great story Jesus tells, and I used to think it was all about who's in and who's out. I thought it was a way of seeing if I measured up, if there was enough growth in my life to call it good soil. I see the passage and the story a little bit differently now. I am obsessed with the farmer these days.

The farmer scatters seed indiscriminately. He scatters seed recklessly. Some commentators talk about how the ground wasn't tilled, so the farmer doesn't know what kind of soil is underneath. 

But do you know the farmer we're dealing with here? 

Without a care (it seems) for the response, for the yield, for the fruit, seed is sown. Sometimes the crop is bountiful, sometimes not. Sometimes the plants grow, other times the soil is too poor, unready, and the farmer gets nothing. 

Jesus tells us the farmer sows the Word. The Good Word. The Word of God. The Last Word. The I-made-you-and-love-you-and-will-keep-pursuing-you Word. We are challenged to sow like the Sower sows. Invited into the kingdom of God, His mission becomes ours. Our lives become the fertile soil and the seed is scattered further. Wider. Deeper.

We have no idea where the good soil is in Sioux City. I do know the soil is diverse, and the challenges in sowing here will be great. I don't speak Vietnamese, and my two years of high school Spanish will not be enough. I can rake leaves. 

There is little strategy and a great deal of faith and tenacity in a story about a sower who sows recklessly and yields bountifully. We will sow like the Sower sows. Because you know what? I have been every kind of soil and God still came after me. The Word was sown in my life long before any crop came up.